Bitter Dreams (Are Made of This)
by unprettier
Summary: A disturbing dream drums up old feelings and Ryan tries to end things with Taylor yet again. But she refuses to just let him walk away this time. Oneshot.


"Taylor..."

She looked up at him with her usual sweet smile that seemed to just light up his whole world and everything in it. That only made this harder. Luckily, or not depending on who was looking at the situation, the smile began to fade as he began to speak. He knew she was all too familiar with that tone in his voice. She'd heard it way too often over the course of the last month — ever since she began her attempt to woo him.

Still, she allowed him to speak. Not because she was eager to hear whatever excuse he had for pulling away this time but because her mouth always ran a mile a minute and she told herself that the least she could do was listen whenever Ryan spoke to her. Especially considering Ryan speaking at all was such a rare occurrence. Well, maybe not that rare.

"I don't know if I can do this."

The words came out timid, as if he was unsure he should even speak them and this wasn't lost on Taylor. It didn't disappoint her any less.

"I don't understand," she said, slowly, allowing Ryan ample time to explain himself should the mood strike him. It didn't so Taylor continued. "Ryan, you can't keep playing me hot and cold!"

Ryan blinked.

"Sorry, too many hip hop ballads." She shook her head, trying to clear up all of the frazzled thoughts in her brain. Leave it to her to make things awkward. Or even more awkward than they already were. "The point is... this isn't fair to me."

"I know. I'm sorry."

Taylor ignored the slight tinge of frustration his short, flat responses caused her. She didn't want to be angry at him. She just wanted to understand what was going through that head of his. Of course he would never tell her. Not unless she made him which she was not above trying to do. This time, however, she tried appealing to his softer side so she didn't demand anything. She just straight up asked him to be real with her.

"Just tell me what happened? I deserve that, at least."

A part of him wanted to end the conversation there. Send her on home and make her forget they were ever together. It would certainly be easier. But she was right. She deserved to know the truth. She deserved a lot more than that, actually. But the truth was the only thing he could offer her at this particular moment.

"I had a dream," he said slowly, trying — and failing — not to play it over and over in his mind, "and it just brought back a lot of stuff..."

Taylor nodded. She knew where this was going. It was the black cloud over their relationship. It was the entire reason everyone said it would never work between them. It was Marissa. But as neurotic as Taylor was, she was also quite compassionate. She understood what Marissa meant to him. She never wanted to impose on his feelings towards her. But their relationship was a completely separate thing. Or at least it should've been.

She tried to approach the subject cautiously.

"Okay, I know it hasn't been easy for you but if you're going to break up with me every time you have a dream about Marissa—"

"It wasn't about Marissa," he said quickly, almost defensively. The subject would always be touchy for him but he didn't want to make Taylor feel any worse for something that wasn't her fault in the first place. So he took a breath and softened his voice. "I mean, not exactly. It was about you."

Taylor sat straight up. "Oh?"

"You died."

"Oh," she pouted, slouching back in her seat.

"Look, if we continue this... if it gets serious..." His lips quivered as he tried to form the right words. He quickly came to the realization there were none. So he put it as bluntly as possible. "I don't know if I can go through that again."

She leaned forward, flashing him that sweet smile yet again. It wasn't the response he was expecting from her. But she looked so calm, so sure of herself that he almost believed her when she said, "But, you won't."

Almost.

"You don't know that. You can't. No one can."

Taylor frowned. He was right but that wasn't the point.

"I'm not saying you'll never lose someone you love again. That's sadly apart of life." The last thing she wanted him to do was live the rest of his life alone in fear out of losing someone. That was the last thing he wanted too. But again, that wasn't really the point. "I'm saying that you didn't live in a bar storage closet for five months, cage fighting a bunch of 300 pound muscle men just because you lost someone you love," she continued, "It's because you lost Marissa. And that will never happen again."

It took Ryan a few minutes to process that but she was making a lot of sense. Almost too much for him to handle. Taylor was right. He couldn't lose Marissa again because she was gone. She was never coming back. Of course, he knew that but it was like a reality check all over again. A bitter sweet one. Because while it was certainly painful knowing he would never see her again, it was also a relief to realize he'd never have to feel the pain of losing her again.

Bitter sweet, indeed.

When he snapped out of his daze, he looked over at Taylor who was sitting patiently in silence with him. He still didn't know how she managed to do _that_. Say exactly what he needed to hear when he needed to hear it, make sense of things that were completely senseless. But she did it every single time. If he wasn't falling in love with her before, he certainly was now.

Ryan decided he'd ask her, yet again, "How do you do that?"

Taylor exhaled, the pair laughing away the silence that had filled the pool house for the last ten minutes. She didn't even realize she was holding her breath until Ryan finally spoke but it felt so good to have the tension that was fogging up the room completely dissipate with that single comment.

"Taylor..." he started but she waved off his apology or explanation or whatever it was he was trying to say. It didn't even matter now. They were going to be just fine. As long as they were open and honest with each other.

"You just have to start telling me what's going on instead of breaking up with me at the first sign of trouble."

"I know. I'm just not used to this whole talking thing."

"It's okay," she said, her lips now hovering dangerously close to his, "I'll talk for the both of us."

They were kissing now and when their lips parted Ryan had the most adorable grin on his face that Taylor thought she would melt right then and there.

"Works for me."


End file.
